The F-ing Cat Food
by AKatsinTcups
Summary: Ichimatsu just wanted to feed the cats not deal with this shit. First they beat him and Todomatsu up, then they tried to go after their mom. Also they kicked the damn cat food! Including my attempts at humor, cursing and violence.


**Cover image was made by Natsuki-Aoi on deviantart . com. (Should be in the image) Will be changed later.**

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It wasn't his intention to get caught unaware like that. It was a rare occasion when one of his brothers went with him to feed the cats. For one reason or another the youngest had ended up owing him money, and in return decided to go with him in feeding the cats.

Good brotherly bonding time.

Complete bullshit too since they all knew the only reason the youngest went with was to keep a close eye on the amount of money spent. No more than maybe one high quality can of cat food extra per normal cheaper cans. None of the food had actually been bought yet and there were already cats in the alley way, so for reasons yet to be discerned the youngest offered, and went, to go purchase the cat food while the elder brother watched the cats.

Would it have been better if he went with to the store? Or would they have just ambushed them sooner? Did they even realize he wasn't alone?

"Matsuno, what, Chor something?" One of the thugs asked. Ichimatsu opened his mouth to correct them, an ingrained response among all of them, when the thug spoke up again. "Doesn't fucking matter anyway. Going to find all of you sooner or later."

Ichimatsu fell into a defensive stance as he heard the venom in the assumed leader. One of the braver cats that had stuck around hissed at the thugs before also darting off. One small miracle at least the cats would be okay. Now if he can just past them, he could grab Todomatsu, who hopefully had the cat food that was the important part here, and get all of them home to safety.

The leader most likely noticed his thought process of at least looking to escape, and was probably going to say some clichéd line that would probably go towards Karamatsu levels of painfulness, when fate decided to be a fucking bitch.

"Ichimatsu-niisan?" Ichimatsu heard Todomatsu call out as the thugs turned to show him standing at the entrance to the alleyway. Glancing between Ichimatsu and the thugs, Todomatsu shifted gripping the two shopping bags he had before flashing his eyes down the street in the direction of their house. At least it looked like Todomatsu was going to run away with the cat food. That was the important part here Ichimatsu thought, never underestimate a broke NEET and keeping hold of something they bought. If Ichimatsu was choosing to ignore the fact Todomatsu was hesitating or that there seemed to be some concern for trash like him showing in the youngest eyes, well that was nothing to worry about as Todomatsu is going to run leaving him and maybe telling the others to help out. There was a lot of thugs.

That was what Ichimatsu expected at least, none of them particularly ever stayed around when one of the brothers brought physical retribution on them. Granted, it's normally Osomatsu who caused it and deserves the retribution given to him. That and all of them could hold their own in a fight, it was just normally not this many. So, if Ichimatsu was ignoring the fact Todomatsu still hadn't run and that the thugs weren't after him specifically, and that they might chase after Todomatsu…

Had nothing to do with the current situation. He'd also keep the second part from happening, Todomatsu had the cat food.

"Ah so what do you know, we have two of them!" The leader called spreading his arms out and turning his back to Ichimatsu.

"Ah, I don't believe either of us," Todomatsu started stealing a glance at Ichimatsu who shrugged and gave in that sextuplet mind speak that he had no idea who the fuck these guys were, "have had the audacity to provoke your rage….do you happen to know which brother it was...or what they were wearing?" Todomatsu ventured taking a half-step back and running his gaze over the thugs who had more or less turned all their attention on him.

"Does it matter? All of you are just annoying as hell." The leader shot back glaring at Todomatsu. "You six walk around as if you own the whole town." Well it's called Osomatsu-san not whatever the fuck that guy's name is that hasn't actually been thought up, "Then do stupid shit like feeding these god damn pests in the alley way," If nothing else Ichimatsu vowed to fuck them up for that, "Running around screaming at the top of your lungs, what was it muscle something? Retarded dumbass probably," corpses. No one will find them. "Then your fucking fashion choices, one of you seriously wears fucking blue sparkle pants and a leather jacket. Wearing those goddam hoodies all the time is bad enough, but a fucking leather jacket?" Not that any of them disagreed with Karamatsu's fashion being painful, except it's almost like he was implying they all had that fashion sense. That and if only they were allowed to truly mock Karamatsu was none of Ichimatsu's business, and holy fuck how many ways could he castrate them.

Todomatsu's face look to be thinking the same thing as Ichimatsu but both of them knew better, even with the two of them there was way more thugs than they could handle. That and Todomatsu had the cat food. The cat food needed to survive. If getting the cat food away also got Todomatsu out of harm's way and brought backup to help hide the bodies, that could count as bonuses.

"Don't even bother trying to run. We're already behind you," The leader added in as Todomatsu's eye widen and he swung around to see more thugs closing in on him. He dropped the cat food bags to free his hands and slipped further into the alleyway to have a wall to his back. Can't run anymore, but at least none of them would get behind him.

Then one guy went out of his way to kick the cat food bag.

Ichimatsu was so fucking done with these shits.

"Now th-" The leader couldn't even finish his sentence before Ichimatsu struck, tackling him to the ground and rolling once using the momentum to throw the leader at part of the guys going towards Todomatsu.

"Get the others!" Ichimatsu yelled at Todomatsu before swinging his leg round to kick a guy coming up at him in the face.

Todomatsu looked at Ichimatsu and pursed his lips before grabbing a can of cat food and pelting it at another guy who was trying to pull a pipe out of the garbage. He ducked under another's punch and swung his leg out causing the grunt to fall had to the ground, adding a kick to the face for good measure.

"What are you doing Totty?! Run!" Ichimatsu yelled as he grabbed a guy's head by the hair and connected their face to his knee.

"I can't leave you with all of them Ichimatsu-niisan!" Todomatsu called back pulling out his phone as he dodged another punch. "They won't hit me, I'll get ahold of the others!" Ichimatsu growled but grudgingly appreciated the help, even with the leader knocked out the thugs weren't missing much of a beat and he barely had time to block one attack before another came.

The thugs parted a bit in front of Ichimatsu to let a guy who grabbed the pipe after the other was knocked out to give a full swing at Ichimatsu. Crossing his arms over his head Ichimatsu blocked the attack but grunted as the metal pipe struck his arms. He was going to have some nasty bruises after this. Bending his knees to where they were close to the ground Ichimatsu then shoved his whole body at an angle forward pushing the thug back. Another two ran in to punch him, only for Ichimatsu to dodge and smash their heads together.

Closer to the entrance Todomatsu was having a hell of a time weaving between punches and kicks while listening to his phone connect to their house.

"Come on come on, pick up anyone…." Todomatsu murmured while using the wall as a boost to kick one thug in the head. "Now is really not the time to be ignoring the phone!"

"This is Jyushimatsu!" almost sighing with relief Todomatsu kneed a thug in the balls that attempted to punch him, and used his free hand to sock him in the face.

"Jyushimatsu-niisan we need help!" Todomatsu yelled into the phone jumping back to give more space between him and the thugs. The ones still in the alleyway where concentrating on Ichimatsu so he should be okay on his back side for now. "Some thugs are attacking me and Ichimatsu-niisan in the alleyway! Hu-"

"TODOMATSU!" Ichimatsu called out as a thug had broken off from his attempted onslaught on him and went after Todomatsu. Todomatsu reacted but it was slow enough that the thug clipped his forehead and caused him to drop the phone.

"Totty?! Totty are you there?!" They both heard Jyushimatsu call from the cell phone before a boot crushed it. Even in his disoriented state Todomatsu sent the thug that broke his phone a freezing glare.

"Todomatsu!" Ichimatsu called out again as he also used the wall as a booster to jump onto another goon's shoulders for a spring board and slam his feet into the thug that hit Todomatsu sending them careening into the ground. Ichimatsu gave Todomatsu a quick look getting a hand wave from Todomatsu signaling he was okay. Helping him up, the two stood back to back and the thugs surrounded them, a few more having picked up random blunt objects to use, including a can of cat food, and a couple having pulled out pocket knives. Readying themselves they worked in tandem as the thugs descended on them in a wave. Feeling as their muscle shifted in their back to move in order to let the other have the maximum efficiency, they started getting minor cuts from lucky swings, and their hoodies getting multiple tears from near misses.

In a strange haze of thought in the adrenaline rushed scene, Todomatsu wonder if Karamatsu would be able to fix the hoodies or if they'll have to get new ones.

Even as they fought both were already tiring and the thugs didn't seem to be ending anytime soon, one of them got a luckier hit in on Ichimatsu and the shoulder of his hoodie could be seen darkening with blood.

"Fucking lucky hit you bastard," The leader's voice called out as a brief reprieve in the attacks came. While it was welcomed, without the near constant need to move both Ichimatsu and Todomatsu started feeling the full sting of their injuries setting in and their breathing deepen as sweat ran down their faces.

"I guess though it serves me right for turning my back on you. Didn't realize either of you actually had the balls to try and fight back," The leader mocked as he leered over at the two bent over and panting Matsunos. "None of you are worth anything. Just die." He growled as he pulled out a gun. Both their eyes widen as Ichimatsu took a protective stance in front of Todomatsu and the leader took aim.

Before a baseball bat sent him flying into the wall with a sickening crack and he slumped down leaving a trail of blood.

"Ichimatsu-nissan! Totty!" An exuberant Jyushimatsu called out swinging his now slightly bloodied nailed bat at the both of them. Ichimatsu let a sigh of relief out as be took the time to clutch his still bleeding wound. Without the distraction of trying not to die the pain was killing him and he probably overextended his reach on the other which would explain the dull throbbing. Todomatsu wasn't doing much better standing on now shaking knees and his vision looking hazy.

"Now just what the hell is going on here?" Osomatsu asked as he suddenly seemed to appear and smash his fist into a thug who had actually attempted to take the initiative and attack Ichimatsu and Todomatsu.

"Some idiots who hate us. That's their entire reasoning," Ichimatsu explained, voice rasping as he and Todomatsu slumped to the ground. His vision blurred as it filled with green indicated Choromatsu had entered the picture and was looking over their wounds.

"Worst on Ichimatsu is the cut on his shoulder, Todomatsu looks to be sporting a possible concussion. Otherwise it's just nasty bruises and cuts that are really going to hurt later," Choromatsu explained as most of the thugs had backed away when Jyushimatsu went back to swinging. His smile looked much more sadistic as blood had splattered on his cheek and his movements sporadic doing a full limbo to dodge an attack leading into doing a backflip to kick the thug under the chin.

"Can you get these two out of here Choromatsu?" Osomatsu asked as another thug attempted to go after him and the other three seeing as Jyushimatsu was occupied by the group near the entrance. Not even batting an eye or having a shift in tone as he asked the question, Osomatsu dodged the punch and when the thug turned around grabbed his face digging his fingers into the corner parts of the thug's eyes and slamming him into the wall. "Or do you need another person?"

Ichimatsu grunted, as even with his vision shifting in and out used the wall to stand. Todomatsu was quick to follow giving what support he could to Ichimatsu.

"I think I can get them out of here if you can make sure Jyushimatsu leaves a clear path," Choromatsu told Osomatsu wrapping an arm around Ichimatsu's waist on his nonbleeding shoulder side, "You sure you can walk okay Todomatsu?" Choromatsu asked as Todomatsu blinked clutching his side as a thug got a lucky hit at his ribs. It was a miracle nothing broke.

"I don't think you need to worry about a path Fappyski," Osomatsu called out as he spins kick another thug back into the group that was slowly gaining the confidence to actually attack as Jyushimatsu mostly ignored them and Osomatsu didn't look as terrifying.

Not a few seconds later a thug came hurling through those at the entrance leaving a wide-open exit and a severely pissed off Karamatsu at the end of it. Not pausing after doing that, Karamatsu grabs the closest thug and punches them hard across the face breaking their nose while also knocking them out. Jyushimatsu laughs as he swings his bat into another thug.

"You all pissed off my Onii-sans! You pissed them off!" He sung as he used a thug as a springboard to get into the air, spinning round to gain momentum and slam his bat into another's face.

Karamatsu was deadly silent, a stark contrast to his usual grandiose, as he picked up a can of cat food from the bag that is somehow still there, and throws it into the air to round house kick it into one of the thugs in the back of the alley way. Osomatsu's smile turns sharp as he launches himself at those in the back to offer his own brand of punishment. Karamatsu joins in as he trips one guy to the ground and steps hard on his balls. The resulting screams pitched upwards to unusual levels.

Ignoring the blood and chaos around them Choromatsu begins to help Ichimatsu shuffle their way out of the alley and to hopefully a payphone or someone nearby to get a call to the hospital. Maybe also mention the bodies in the alleyway.

Another couple of cracks later has him rethinking that call to be Dekapan or maybe Dayon. Dekapan probably has ways of getting rid of a body, and Dayon has his Final Dayon which disintegrates everything.

"Need to get the cat food later," Ichimatsu mumbles almost incoherently as they witness Jyushimatsu use one of the cans as a baseball and hit the can straight through the teeth of another thug. Choromatsu lets out an exasperated laugh as they continue to move through the blood and chaos.

"ALRIGHT ALL OF YOU STOP!" A voice called out from the front and while the thugs stopped due to sheer surprise, the sextuplets stopped through confusion at recognizing the voice. "What did you NEETs do to have an entire yakuza come after you?!" the person asked holding up a body of a thug, face swollen with bruises and blood coming out of the side of his head.

"KAA-SAN?!" All the NEETs, except Ichimatsu and Todomatsu who through their injuries weren't sure they were processing the scene right, exclaimed.

There in all her Matsuno mother glory was Matsuno Matsuyo angrily looking at her NEETs and pointing to the probably dying body of one of the yakuza thugs.

"What are you doing here mother?" Karamatsu asked punching the thug he had by the collar in the face to knock them out as almost an afterthought while giving his full attention to their mother.

"Some yakuza came to our house in an attempt to grab either me or your father to use as I'm guessing hostages or something," Their mother explained dropping the thug and crossing her arms pulling the angry mom pose. "You didn't answer my question."

"Just because," Ichimatsu wheezed out really wishing to just get home to their futon and crash for the next week or five. Noticing her child's injuries fully Matsuyo shifted out of angry mother mode, into concern mother mode and ran up to Ichimatsu gingerly touching the cut on his shoulder. Noticing Todomatsu starting to sway as well, she wraps an arm around his waist and lets him lean into her for support.

"Let's get these two out of here. The rest of you give them hell," Matsuyo called out as she and Choromatsu walked uninhibited out of the alleyway.

"Man, I can't believe you guys tried to go after our Mom!" Osomatsu called out taking up his signature pose rubbing a finger under his nose, "Don't you know she's the worst one to try and fight? She has to deal with us after all!" Osomatsu called out happily as he picked up a discarded pocket knife and tossed it into the air making it flip once, "Course none of you knew that. Guess we'll have another pile of bodies to worry about at home," sighing at the amount of work it was going to take to deal with all of the bodies Osomatsu threw the knife sinking it into the upper right part of a thug's chest.

"Ah but bruzzah, we have been given the allowance by our loving mother to shows these poor ignorant fools the true extent of us sextuplets. To show them why you don't fuck with us without a reason," Karamatsu started off sweeping his arms out in a grand gesture, eyes half lidden and mouth in a serene smile, before sharpening and marching up to the thug Osomatsu had hit with the knife twisting and delivering a swift kick to the gut that set the thug into the wall. Flicking the knife to rid it of the blood Karamatsu turned back to the rest of them near the back, "Let's not waste this wonderful opportunity, shall we?"

"Ah the pain!" Osomatsu called out jokingly as he dodged a desperate thug's sloppy punch.

"Painful!" Jyushimatsu called out in a laugh as he returned to his swinging. Karamatsu just smirked knowing this time it was for sure all in good fun and shifted back to focusing on beating the thugs up.

"The one who beats up the least has to pay for drinks next time!" Osomatsu called out as he delivered an axe kick to a thug.

This was debated on the entire way home after leaving the thugs who couldn't get away, and didn't bother to grab one of their own, in the alley for the cats to do with as they pleased. It wasn't until they got home that comparatively, they didn't hold a candle to what their mother had done. Greeting their dad who gave them a grunt of acknowledgement and called out that their Mother and three other brothers were still at the hospital. Ichimatsu had needed stitches for the cut but otherwise they should be home soon.

If the next week or so had Ichimatsu and Todomatsu not allowed to leave without one of the other brothers or babied a little more, none of them were going to mention it.

If within the next day after the fight Ichimatsu was presented with two bags of the finer quality of cat food plus a bag of treats and Todomatsu a brand new smart phone, there was the excuse someone won at pachinko that day and their mother forced them.

If the news happened to report that a local yakuza gang was found in various levels of beaten up with the possibility of some bodies missing, well they weren't going to say anything.

If their mom happened to be sharpening a knife and Jyushimatsu making a few visits to Dekapan well that wasn't anything strange.

If Hatabou also happened to pay them for some meat, well that was just coincidence.

Really, besides both Ichimatsu and Todomatsu being put on bed rest for the first few days, and afterwards Ichimatsu needing to watching his shoulder everything continued like normal.

That and they may have just actually taken over their town from a yakuza gang but no actually knew it was them and taking care of a yakuza group, let alone technically the town, was far too much work.

If no other yakuza group though was ever able to take it over, well it obviously wasn't them or their mother. Obviously.

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 **If anyone has a better title idea PLEASE TELL MEH. I have no idea what to CALL this. So you know, leave a review and stuff? :) EVEN JUST SAYING THE WORD "GOOD" IS SO NICE TwT.**


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